Hey folks, I know its only been a few days since my last blog but I feel the need to express myself again. One thing I have learned in the past 7 months is that lying totally breaks down trust and I realize that is something I have to work hard to repair with a lot of people.
I lied alot and am not proud of it, and have learned the hard way that lying is really not the way to go. I have hurt many people by those lies including the woman I love with all of my heart.
Rebuilding trust between my girlfriend, my family, my friends is something that will take alot of time , and I know there will be doubts had by all, but I am serious when I say that earning the trust back from all of you is something I want really bad and will go to any lengths to prove.
My actions in the past , I dont deny them, but they are also no longer part of my life and the person I am today.
Trust is something I know has to be earned and I am prepared to put in as much work as it takes to earn your trust back.
Trust is something that is a huge thing in any relationship and as I have learned, its hard work to get back after screwing up as badly as I have.
So please continue to read and post comments and know that I am working hard to earn trust from everyone of you, and will be talking about other topics in regards to relationships and rebuilding them.
Wednesday, 25 May 2011
Sunday, 22 May 2011
Gord Lehmann's Journey
My Story: The Journey to Hell and Back
This story begins a long time ago, back as a child is where it really starts. Growing up , I never knew my real or biological father Art Lehmann until I was about 13. My mother married after divorcing my father and I was blessed with the addition of a sister. Sadly things did not work out well either and my mom divorced again. She then married again and for a time things were happy. I ended up married and was blessed by the births of my 2 amazing children Austin and Nicholas. This time things didnt work out for me as we all know by now the story of how my marriage ended.
The next couple years I plowed on and thought that I was handling things quite well but deep inside I really was a troubled person. I entered into some toxic relationships that ended badly and then something happened that really destroyed me and sent me into a spiral where I finally decided that I had to call out for help.
I was in a relationship and decided to cheat on that person. The relationship was going nowhere. I made the choice, I could say oh well I had a troubled childhood but I am gonna man up here and say I made the choice. The person I met however would change my life forever. This person breathed new life into me and I was happier then I had ever been in my life. I had and have never felt this way about another woman ever. And yet I lied and continued to hurt her.
Suffice it to say I was caught and everything in my life completely fell apart. It felt like I was being sucked into a black hole and there was no way out.
I finally realized that if I was to recover any hope of having a happy productive life and being there for the people that depended on me , now was the time to change and I reached out a hand and asked for help.
For the past 7 months I have undergone intensive counselling sessions and group therapy , as well as meeting with a mens resource centre , that has dads going through situations such as myself. I also was diagnosed with depression and started on medication. The combination of all of these solutions has provided me a new fresh outlook on life and what I have done in the past was something I confronted head on.
And after the past 7 months, I was ready to go and face the one woman who had made me happier then anyone else. I owed her an explanation , I owed her the respect she deserved, I owed her an apology for what I had done to her and her family.
I was really messed up, and through the counselling and medication I have a positive and refreshing outlook on life and after meeting with this woman, and explaining what went on and why and what I had done to sort my life out, something amazing happened. She let me back into her life and I am excited and happy again. I work hard everyday and continue to grow as a person and the real Gord Lehmann is back, the one you all used to know, the one you could depend on if you needed something, the one you could talk to.
To the woman that has allowed me back into her life, I thank you and love you more then you can know. I will work everyday to prove to you and your family that I can be the person that can be trusted and I really look forward to our life together and am excited for what the future brings.
Ok folks, some of you may know this but others might not , and I felt that this might be a good way for me to not vent but express myself. I hope that those people I have hurt in any way can forgive me and I am truly sorry. I know they are only words and actions speak more loudly then words , so trust me, I will be mending fences for a long time. Some people may not forgive and I can understand but I truly believe in second chances and hope you will too.
This story begins a long time ago, back as a child is where it really starts. Growing up , I never knew my real or biological father Art Lehmann until I was about 13. My mother married after divorcing my father and I was blessed with the addition of a sister. Sadly things did not work out well either and my mom divorced again. She then married again and for a time things were happy. I ended up married and was blessed by the births of my 2 amazing children Austin and Nicholas. This time things didnt work out for me as we all know by now the story of how my marriage ended.
The next couple years I plowed on and thought that I was handling things quite well but deep inside I really was a troubled person. I entered into some toxic relationships that ended badly and then something happened that really destroyed me and sent me into a spiral where I finally decided that I had to call out for help.
I was in a relationship and decided to cheat on that person. The relationship was going nowhere. I made the choice, I could say oh well I had a troubled childhood but I am gonna man up here and say I made the choice. The person I met however would change my life forever. This person breathed new life into me and I was happier then I had ever been in my life. I had and have never felt this way about another woman ever. And yet I lied and continued to hurt her.
Suffice it to say I was caught and everything in my life completely fell apart. It felt like I was being sucked into a black hole and there was no way out.
I finally realized that if I was to recover any hope of having a happy productive life and being there for the people that depended on me , now was the time to change and I reached out a hand and asked for help.
For the past 7 months I have undergone intensive counselling sessions and group therapy , as well as meeting with a mens resource centre , that has dads going through situations such as myself. I also was diagnosed with depression and started on medication. The combination of all of these solutions has provided me a new fresh outlook on life and what I have done in the past was something I confronted head on.
And after the past 7 months, I was ready to go and face the one woman who had made me happier then anyone else. I owed her an explanation , I owed her the respect she deserved, I owed her an apology for what I had done to her and her family.
I was really messed up, and through the counselling and medication I have a positive and refreshing outlook on life and after meeting with this woman, and explaining what went on and why and what I had done to sort my life out, something amazing happened. She let me back into her life and I am excited and happy again. I work hard everyday and continue to grow as a person and the real Gord Lehmann is back, the one you all used to know, the one you could depend on if you needed something, the one you could talk to.
To the woman that has allowed me back into her life, I thank you and love you more then you can know. I will work everyday to prove to you and your family that I can be the person that can be trusted and I really look forward to our life together and am excited for what the future brings.
Ok folks, some of you may know this but others might not , and I felt that this might be a good way for me to not vent but express myself. I hope that those people I have hurt in any way can forgive me and I am truly sorry. I know they are only words and actions speak more loudly then words , so trust me, I will be mending fences for a long time. Some people may not forgive and I can understand but I truly believe in second chances and hope you will too.
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